perfidy

Please note some modifications to the roster at left. Erstwhile loghorrean Steven den Beste has temporarily retired from posting. Minister Buckethead, at least, will miss him. Should he return to blogging, his name shall once more grace our site.

Also retiring is Tacitus, a formerly top-shelf site which has slumped of late as its principals have migrated their most compelling work to the new conservative site redstate.org.

In the interest of balance, former CalPundit Kevin Drum's new enterprise at the Washington Monthly has also been liquidated.

Finally, please welcome new addition Obsidian Wings, a group site featuring high-octane discussion and intelligent writing. Kindly visit them, comment, and drag even more traffic our way. The more bandwith we devour, the more powerful we become. Your compliance is appreciated. Indeed, it is compulsory.

That is all.

Bill Gertz of the Washington Times is reporting that Saddam Hussein used the UN oil-for-food program to skim billions of dollars and directed $1.78 billion to French businessmen, officials and journalists in order to get the French to oppose American policy.

Here's a juicy bit:

The report named former French Interior Minister Charles Pascua as getting a voucher for 11 million barrels of oil, and Patrick Maugein, who received a voucher for 13 million barrels of oil. The report said Mr. Maugein, the chief executive officer of the SOCO oil company, was a "conduit" to Mr. Chirac.

The report mentioned is the report of the CIA's Iraq survey group, the basis of Gertz' article. For comparison, French oil companies Total and SOCAP each got vouchers in the neighborhood of 100 million barrels of oil.

The corruption extends beyond France. Russia and China also featured prominently on the list. Those who have most vociferously opposed the war in Iraq might be shocked and embarrassed that the actions of their allies in the governments of France and Russia were not motivated by simon-pure pacificism and upright morals. (Why they might imagine this in the first place is another question altogether, given those nation's history.) If America's primary non-Iraqi opponents in the war in Iraq had not been bought off on the cheap and had remained neutral or even provided minimal support; would world opinion have swung so dramatically against the United States? Would those in the US who opposed the war been so confident if they had not been able to point at France, Germany and Russia?

Ironic that the most damage Saddam did in the war, he did before the war started. Of course, any apparent correlation between those who received billions of dollars from Saddam and those nation's anti-US policies might be merely accidental.

[wik] For more info on the Oil For Food Scandal, go here.

EARTH FIRST!

We'll strip mine the outer planets later

Loyal reader #0009, Mapgirl, informs us that someone has taken the novel step of complaining about "that time of the month." I will admit that - for all my inherent inability to really, you know, empathize with this problem given my status as a triped - I found this to be truly effing hilarious. After a slow start, our essayist really warms to her subject:

I have long maintained that we should put pictures of gorgeous men on the packaging. Really butch guys on the heavy-absorbency products, and femme guys on the pantiliners. For the ever-more-popular "teen" size, we could get pictures of the boy band du jour. So you could have pictures of N'Sync and Justin Timberlake on your black thong-cut pantiliners (yes, such things exist).

You know if guys had periods, the packages would be slathered with pictures of Carmen Electra, and would frequently include a free bikini magazine or offers for $50 rebates on Coleman grills. What do girls get? Fucking pastel colors and super-quiet pouches. Such is our shame. I really think hip advertising is the key to breaking this taboo.

My husband thinks they should take it one step further and create cartoon characters, like Tony the Tiger or Cap'n Crunch. I suggested they should use caricatures of real-life people . . . like a cartoon Bloody Mary holding her severed head. His suggestion was the best. Bloody Bill Anderson, that grim figure of the American West.

I can just see the commercials now.

"When you're ridin' the rag . . . ride with the best! Dancin' girls and preachers' daughters alike agree: use Bloody Bill's Pads! Available in two delightful scents: poison sumac and gunpowder. Now with blood gutters!"

"Cork that revoltin' wound with Bloody Bill brand Tampons! Individual packages come with cotton batting, gauze, and a 60-second length of dynamite fuse. Free ramrod with each purchase."

"Monthly Curse got you feelin' a mite insecure? Get the assurance you need with Bloody Bill's Roll-your-Own Tampons! I left a trail of blood clear across Kansas, but you don't got to!"

But we will never see the subject approached with such humor.

Not for the squeamish, but well worth the read.

That damned judicial activism again!

Okay, not in the literal sense. I got a case of loghorrhea you wouldn't believe. But honestly, words fail me.

"Most of the prisoners being held at Guantánamo Bay, the US military base on Cuba, are expected to be released or transferred to their own countries, the deputy commander of the unit that runs the base has said.

"Of the 550 that we have, I would say most of them, the majority of them, will either be released or transferred to their own countries," he told the FT.

"Most of these guys weren't fighting. They were running. Even if somebody has been found to be an enemy combatant, many of them will be released because they will be of low intelligence value and low threat status.

"We don't have a level of evidence to feel that we can be confident to prosecute them [all]. We have guys here who have never told us anything, except to say that they want to cut off the heads of the infidels if they get a chance," Gen Lucenti added.

And it took three years to figure this out? What I have trouble understanding is how after three years in the pen

Brig Gen Jay Hood, commander of the task force that runs the camps [can claim] "people here are of tremendous intelligence value", and the US still has much to learn from them.

Like what? Where Osama bin Laden used to live? How much an AK-47 cost in Syria three years ago? The names of four guys who either died or disappeared three years ago? I don't get it. The entire Git-mo enterprise stunk to me, and I'm disappointed, irritated, and outraged in that tired, I-expected-this-so-what-the-hell kind of way that it hasn't paid off like Bush & Co said it would.

In an effort to raise the level of discourse around here, I find myself reduced to bringing in outside help. Frequent Ministry reader Patton offers some thoughts on how the Dems and Reps are bending over backwards to court the retard vote this year. Bible banning, the draft, forgeries, and Halliburton Halliburton Halliburton out the wazoo (out your wazoo too!). Go read!

[wik] I'm probably too proud of my headlines today.

spotlight Ohio: Woman trades naked pix of young daughter for NFL tickets. (And a jersey. Don't forget the jersey!). Link goes to partial transcript of IM conversation. I especially love this part here:

Lustyliss429: how much can i trust u...
Buckin4God2: very
Lustylis429: are you sure
Buckin4God2: can you send it please
Buckin4God2: yes
Buckin4God2: can u send it
Lustylis429: ur not an undercover cop r u ... lol
Buckin4God2: no

Well, that settles that! It's on the internet... what's not to trust? On the other hand, the parts where mom says how cute her 4-year old daughter thinks Buckin4God2 is are sick and disgusting and if there's a hell anywhere she's gonna.... oh, right. She already lives in Toledo.

spotlight Baltimore: Last night during the Ravens - Saints game of American Football, the candid microphones captured Raven Ray Lewis-- who didn't kill two people, advising teammate Jamal Lewis-- who is about to plead guilty for conspiracy to traffic cocaine and some other skeezy drug stuff-- how best to deal with the pressure of being on trial for something horrible. The big difference is that Ray L. didn't kill two guys, and Jamal L. is a dirtbag who definitely did have a bunch of cocaine to sell. But whatever. This NFL-par behavior is not really the "exemplary human" part. The "exemplary human behavior" has been demonstrated by the NFL itself, who have seen fit to augment Lewis' expected jail time with a draconian punishment of its own-- a 2 to 4 game suspension. Is that the going price for a felony these days in football? Crime does pay!!!

It's not often that the oral arguments in the US Supreme Court rise to the level of noir fiction a la James M. Cain.

Clement starts to explain that in some cases this is terrifically complicated. He tries to hypothesize a messy fraud case, but Stevens cuts him off. "Keep it simple," he says. "There are usually not a host of enhancing factors—just the drug quantity and a gun." Clement tries to return to his fraud prosecution, but again Stevens stops him: "Use the example I've given you," he hisses. With the gun.

Terrific writing from Dahlia Lithwick.

Man mistakenly cuts off genitalia, dog eats it.

[wik] Alternate headline: "I confused it with the chicken's neck."

[alsø wik] I think my first album is going to be called "I Confused It With The Chicken Neck."

Donald Rumsfeld, 04Oct04: "I have not seen any strong, hard evidence that links [al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein].''

Donald Rumsfeld 04Oct04: " regrettably was misunderstood."

Really? Well... you didn't stutter.

But enough with the cheap shots. Our own Buckethead has adequately established that links existed between al Qaeda and Saddam Hussein, much like links exist between me and the head of the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority, whoever he or she is, whose trains carry me to work every day. But those links are neither systemic nor enduring, and it seems that even Rumsfeld finally has to pony up the troof.

But what of the rhetorical linkages between the two great Satans? Repeatedly in the debate last Thursday, President Bush said "Saddam Hu-- Osama bin Laden," as if the two men were, not only two peas in a pod but actually conceptually the exact same enemy of America. It's impossible to tell whether Bush actually believes that howler, but the mistake is casually revealing. For those of us who continue to believe that Iraq is a sideshow, a distraction to the "War on Terror" we're supposed to be up in, it's kinda horrifying. For those of us who want the President-- whoever he or she is-- to be capable, however haltingly, of articulating who we're dealing with and why, it's really horrifying. On Thursday, Bush did nothing to reassure me that he has any defense beyond the standard talking points for his actions. I went into the debate feeling fairly hostile to both jokers; I came out fed up completely with W.

If the CIA says one thing over and over, and the President's folks say another opposite thing, over and over, what time will the first train get to Altoona?

It's important not to let hate stop you from doing the right thing. At least I think that's the argument behind kerryhatersforkerry.com.

Are you going to vote for John Kerry even though you find him unpleasant, annoying, arrogant, waffling, misguided, or just generally unappealing in some profound way? Then you've come to the right place! We're Kerry Haters for Kerry -- perhaps his largest constituency! No need to hide in the Kerryhating closet anymore while you pretend to everyone that he'll be a great president. Here you are among friends. You can speak freely and honestly. You can admit: 'He's awful! And I'm for him!

Like the bumper sticker says-- "John Kerry: He'll Do."

Thanks to Loyal Reader #2.71828183, Mapgirl, for the tip.

Woefully benighted Californian Nathaniel thinks that my Red Sox fandom is weak sauce, and takes a dig at my heritage besides.

Johno, your Heimatsmannschaft is at home in Ohio, bombarded by campaign advertising as they stare at their navels. Your love for the Red Sox is just psychic transference: if you are going to embrace six decades of impotence, why not nine?

Well, Nat, I'll tell you what. I prefer to think of my Ohio roots as a terroir more than a Heimat. Terroir implies who I am is infused with and informed by Ohio and yet I also carry an identity that is my own besides. Your German-stylee homeland word is a little more freaky-sinister. To me at least, "Heimat" implies that I am the sum total of my Ohio roots, umbilically connected to the place. If that is true, how in the world do I still have all my teeth? I like the dandified French food connotations better, myself.

And as for your main assertion, that my Red Sox fandom is transference, I ask you: so fakin' what?!? Of course it's transference. The Red Sox legend is the (Cleveland Indians + Cleveland Browns / (Pittsburgh + Baltimore)) * New York^2, which equals, like, ten thousand or something. In fact, I would argue that sports pain accrues. If that's so, I'm really basking in at least 175 years of accumulated fan frustration, which means the last time my Platonically ideal team won anything, John Quincy Adams was President.

Mine may be an inane argument, but it knocks the hell out of your puny few decades.

So Nathanael thinks his puny Angels can take down the Red Sox in the ALCS.

Dream on, buddy. Your chosen squadron are deficient in multitudinous ways, whereas the squadron of my fealty are paragons of indominitable physical virtue. Prepare, sirrah, for a trouncing!

[wik] Nat also sez: "Who fears un planeta californiano?" Oh, please. California : imminent planetary dominance :: Polish people : good with lightbulbs.

It's apparently Poland-bashing day here at the Ministry. Oh, well. The Poles were so hurt at the fearsome snubbing given to them by John Kerry last Thursday that they're packing up and going home. Very slowly.

... actually, Poland has announced that by the end of next year they'll be out of Iraq, ending a three-year commitment. Well, ok. Three years is a plenty long time to occupy a country, and it's unreasonable to expect them to stay in there indefinitely. Besides, I hear that some of our other allies in the Great Coalition are clamoring for a turn: Moldova, Grenada, the Central African Republic, and Madagascar, come on down!

For the week ending 4Oct04

Spotlight UAE: The Al Jazeera program "Counter Direction" devoted an episode to discussing the pros and cons of beheading prisoners. The pro position won the day, if one can judge victory by the racous support the man had from the studio audience. Think gory Jerry Springer, but substitute "beheading American mercenary dogs" for "Out-of-control teens".

Spotlight Saudi Arabia: In other despicable television news... A Saudi program did man-in-the-street interviews asking, "'Would You, as a Human Being, be Willing to Shake Hands with a Jew?" and similar questions. Read the transcripts. Non-hilarity will ensue.

Spotlight England: As of a week ago, police had not identified a woman found laying unconscious in the middle of a London road, bleeding from a head wound. Police have asked for the public's help in establishing her identity, and would especially like to hear from the drivers who swerved to avoid her body. You might have expected the cops to start with interviewing the people who had rendered aid. Except that there were no such people. Couldn't even be bothered to poke her with a stick.

Spotlight America: A former nurse's aide, convicted and currently imprisoned for raping a comatose patient, actually claimed to a parole board that he did it to help the victim. Presumably with a straight face, he tried to convince the board that, according to his reasearch, pregnancy may have brought the victim from her decade-long coma. Parole was denied, also presumably with a straight face. Maybe the next time he's raped in prison by skinheads, they'll tell him they're just trying to help. Definitely with a straight face.

And hey, speaking of skinheads, say what you will about their politics but they are starting to get a grip on their marketing and branding. Some sort of Nazi record label has packaged 100,000 compilations to release to young people around the country. Creepily dubbed "Operation Schoolyard", the record apparently has several hate-filled broadsides masquerading as rock music.

Quick note to Nazis-first, if you're trying to reach the MTV and younger group, rock music ain't gonna cut it. Unless you've got some good beats and skilled rappers, or at least someone half as fly as Usher, save your $$ for new flags and tanktops. Second, the old-school Nazis spent a fair amount of time and energy trying to exterminate what they considered "primitive music", like jazz, without which rock and roll would not exist. Your movement's intellectual forebears tried to exterminate the very music you now use to recruit young people into your movement.

Grab your Langenscheidt and look up ironisch.

Burt Rutan's SpaceShipOne is wafting gently back to Earth after successfully making the second trip into space in less than a week. In the process, they have won the Ansari X-Prize and ten million dollars, and beat the X-15's forty year old altitude record. A second pilot has won astronaut wings. This is the beginning of a revolution in space travel.

Loyal Reader #0017, EDog, submits for our approval this (possibly satirical) map which overlays the county-by-county electoral results from the 2000 election in Florida with the paths of the various hurricanes to hit the state this season. I think you will agree the results are... intriguing.

(I hate to pick on Florida, but they (the proverbial they) make it so easy!)

Below the fold (click image for a zoomable full-size version).

I've been on a deep and serious Neil Young kick recently. My wife and I are Modified Neil Completists, which implies that we seek out everything we can by him that is not Silver and Gold or Are You Passionate?, two titles that, hard as we try, we cannot accept as Neillerific. Even the oft-maligned Trans, which featured Young using programmed drums, vocoders, and synthesizers (in 1982!!!) has been rehabilitated by the news that he made the album at the same time he was learning to use computers to communicate with his severely handicapped sons. Besides, now that Beck's been around for ten years or so, crossing country with robotics no longer seems weird and wrong.

I mean, we are completists. Aside from all the studio stuff, we have more than a dozen bootlegs of live and unreleased material including a four-disc live set spanning Young's entire career from Buffalo Springfield to 1994. So it came as a bit of a shock to my wife to find that I'd never listened to Decade, Young's three-disc summation of his first ten years in the spotlight. That deficiency remedied, I am now stuck on listening to Young's great lost classic "Winterlong" on auto-repeat. It may be the greatest rock song ever written.

But forget all that. I'm just rambling like a phanatique. What I really want to point out is that Neil Young is a goddamned prophet. Have you listened to "Rockin' in the Free World" (off 1989's Freedom recently? You really should. The lyrics, especially the first stanza, mean a hell of a lot more now than they did in 1989. I mean.... damn.

There's colors on the street
Red, white and blue
People shufflin' their feet
People sleepin' in their shoes
But there's a warnin' sign
on the road ahead
There's a lot of people sayin'
we'd be better off dead
Don't feel like Satan,
but I am to them
So I try to forget it,
any way I can.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world.

I see a woman in the night
With a baby in her hand
Under an old street light
Near a garbage can
Now she puts the kid away,
and she's gone to get a hit
She hates her life,
and what she's done to it
There's one more kid
that will never go to school
Never get to fall in love,
never get to be cool.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world.

We got a thousand points of light
For the homeless man
We got a kinder, gentler,
Machine gun hand
We got department stores
and toilet paper
Got styrofoam boxes
for the ozone layer
Got a man of the people,
says keep hope alive
Got fuel to burn,
got roads to drive.

Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world
Keep on rockin' in the free world,
Keep on rockin' in the free world.

Loyal Reader Mapgirl picks apart the debaters on parliamentary grounds. Oooh no, I think it's a beating!

What the hell was a Soviet space shuttle prototype doing in Bahrain?

And why have the Germans found it and taken it to Dussledorf?!?

Verrrrry suspicious. The Hun and the northern barbarians, in cahoots again!

[wik] Viele dank am NDR am Rhine River weblog.

Due to a medical emergency in the Buckethead clan, Buckethead, Mrs. Buckethead and Sir John-the-actually-quite-well-behaved-in-the-car-considering-he's-been-in-a-car-seat-for-fifteen-hours lit out for the wilds of Massachusetts. As it turns out, all is well and Buckethead's beloved mother was sightseeing again two days after a heart attack thanks to the wonders of modern technology and the puissance of the Cape Cod Medical Center's staff.

So, unlike most of the politically addicted citizens of this great nation, we listened to the great debate on AM radio. No cable news, no cspan, nor even streaming interweb video. It was a challenge to create an accurate mental image of the debate. Where do I insert my mental jpeg of Kerry sticking his tongue out for maximum verisimilitude? Was Bush clenching his forehead or smirking as he made that comment? As of this moment, I have not seen any replays of the debate on TV, so my impressions are purely based on what I heard driving through the smelliest bits of Eastern PA in the rain.

I think that the debate was a draw - Kerry had more debating style fu, and scored a few hits. Bush was his typical aphasic self at times, but pulled out the heavy artillery on the flip-flopping. Here are some of thte things I was thinking during the debate:

• Kerry repeatedly said he'd do better, but failed to actually say how he'd do better. The very few times he actually offered specifics, it was something that the administration is already planning or doing. His theme for the debate seemed to be, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Armchair quarterbacking is a hell of a lot easier than actually throwing a pass in the big game. Something bloggers should be well aware of, btw.
• Is it just me, or was Kerry being hypocritical for bitching that we were insufficiently multilateral in Iraq, but then saying we should ditch the laboriously arranged six party talks in North Korea to go it alone?
• Mrs. Buckethead made the insightful comment as the debate was winding down that all of John Kerry's suggestions for defense policy revolve around the good wishes of others. Getting the French and the Germans to participate. UN approval. ICC. Summits. "Global Tests" for American use of military force. Those good wishes are far from guaranteed, especially in the case of the the axis of weasels and the UN. I really, really, really have a hard time believing that France would be willing, next January, to reverse their policy and send troops to Iraq, or share the costs of reconstruction just because John Kerry's phiz is staring back across the negotiating table. Which leaves us in the same situation, with the added bonus that an incoming president Kerry would have little goodwill from the allies we do have given what he has said of them so far.
• Kerry used a lot of his time attacking Bush. Bush used a lot of his time quoting Kerry to Kerry. I think Bush was more effective with his tactic.

Kerry needed to do something spectacular, or at least have Bush commit political seppuku, to have an effect on the larger campaign. Neither happened. Which leaves Kerry where he was, five to ten points behind in the polls. Four years ago, Al Gore deeply unimpressed the electorate with his debate performance, and it had an effect on the election. Here, a tie does nothing to gain Kerry back the ground he's lost since August. There is a chance that he may achieve something in the next two debates, but given that the Kerry campaign had settled on Iraq as "the" issue, this was their shot to change the dynamics of the race. The economy is steadily if slowly improving - and certainly not in the middle of a meltdown. Domestic policy is taking a back seat to the war on terror because of both reality and the decisions of campaign managers on both sides. I don't think Kerry supporters will have much to do but pray for Bush to screw up in some truly miraculous way, and evil genius Karl Rove will likely manage to prevent that.

As a side note, I have to say that the post debate conversation on AM radio was entirely pathetic. It left me with a craving for the blogosphere I stronger than I have ever felt. Compared to the jackassery running rampant over the AM dial, I would even have been happy watching Chris Matthews on Hardball. Callers to talk shows are almost universally ideologically driven incarnate talking points. Not one in ten actually said anything about the debate per se, instead merely repeating DNC and RNC party lines. Dreadful.

Yeah, I watched the whole thing. No, I wasn't impressed.

Neither candidate had a defining moment, neither had a campaign-winning turn of phrase, neither made a real effort to crush the other. Last night was a meeting engagement between two belligerents, and not a decisive battle. Matter of fact, it was almost boring- it even took the edge off the episode of G-String Divas that aired on HBO afterward.

But it could have been something much more.

From where I was sitting (horizontal, couch-bound, serving as heated mattress for Miss Fuzzle Kitty), it seemed Kerry really could have crushed Dubya on Iraq but held back. But his rhetoric was clearly having the desired effect on the president, who was oftentimes visibly irritated by it. Furthermore, his irritation came through in his voice, which actually sounded whiny at times. Similarly, when Bush went off-script he would either freeze completely or fumblingly toss off a statement he'd already said and was only slightly relevant at that point. Overall, Kerry came across as more knowledgeable and with that, more capable. If I knew nothing about either of the men, I'd go Kerry.

The president could have, and should have, made alot more out of Kerry's internationalism. Wariness of foreign influence is a theme that resonates strongly with the right, and Bush missed several chances to capitalize on that. Kerry derided the contribution of allied forces in Iraq, but said he wants more allies. He said there has to be a "global test" of American involvement in foreign conflict, but that will never seek permission to defend America. He said that he would kill terrorists wherever they are, but wrote a book, which he clumsily plugged, about the need for an international organization to fight crime. Bush really could have pressed him on this stuff, and called him on whether Kerry is the world's president or America's, something like that.

So, missed opportunities all 'round. Seemingly the best thing to come from this event was that no one especially embarassed himself, and that's a shame. It could have been alot more.

Oh, and for those of us wondering which accent Kerry was going to use for the debate: he eschewed his Brahmin, Thurston Howell sound for a more standard drone. I think he went with accent 2b, "officious everyman", but I may be off.