perfidy

The Lord's Prayer has been translated into many languages. Until five minutes ago, I was unaware that it had been translated into what Will Smith once referred to as, "The Ebonic Plague." The site that hosts this abomination (along with many, many other translations of the Lord's Prayer) describes Ebonics as a "slang dialect used by certain groups of the African-American community." Without further ado, the prayer:

Yo, Big Daddy upstairs,
You be chillin
So be yo hood
You be sayin' it, I be doin' it
In this here hood and yo's
Gimme some eats
And cut me some slack, Blood
Sos I be doin' it to dem dat diss me
Don't be pushing me into no jive
Ang keep dem crips away
Cause you always be da man, G
Straight up.
Aa-men.

For some reason, I do not feel closer to God.

(thanks to Memepool for the tip.)

Sages and scholars are locked in frightfull combat over this issue. What is the correct usage? Is it "thingy" or "thingie." Enquiring minds want to know.

I went to a friend's birthday party on Saturday (yeeees... I have friends) in Boston. The venue was a Chinese restaurant near Government Center, replete with muted decor, muted house music, and an extensive menu of tropical-themed novelty drinks. My unfailing instincts led me to order a "Suffering Bastard," which I can say with all confidence is the worst drink I have ever not enjoyed. Which is to say there are a great many bad drinks out there that I enjoy very much, but the "Suffering Bastard" was not among them. Perhaps I should have let the name be my first warning.

The recipe should have been my second:
1 oz Gin
1 oz Bourbon
1/2 oz Lime juice
1 dash Bitters
Top off with Ginger ale
Serve with pineapple slice, cherry, and lime slice

Yes, yes, Devil Gin in there mixing with Old Man Whiskey. A smarter man would have stuck with the Sake Martini or Kumquat Mojito, but I, not being the Sake Martini or little-umbrella type, am not smart. Luckily, the bartender reedemed himself with a perfect Sidecar (thanks to Spiral Dive for the pointer!) and I was able to stagger away unharmed.

Which brings me to my question. What is the best bad drink you have ever had?

Mine is the

Screaming Nazi:
1 oz Rumple Minze, ice cold
1 oz Jaegermeister, ice cold
Pour together in frozen cordial glass and shoot. Repeat. Stagger heaving for the garbage can. [n.b. This drink nearly killed me once. Your mileage may vary.]

though I am also fond of this drink, the name of which I shall not repeat here. The taste is great, though the... erm... texture... leaves something to be desired:

1 oz Bailey's Irish Cream
6 oz Orange Juice, chilled
Combine in Collins glass without ice. Drink, enjoy, then grimace.

"Pythagosaurus"

Came across this one in a compendium of stupid things that have appeared in college papers. I laughed so hard I almost had a seizure.

I'm thinking of changing my pundit alias to "Pythagosaurus." Rawrr! I smash you with logic and reason!! Rawrrr!

I'm not even thirty, and I have already been left behind by the great carousel of hipness. 

(Is hipness a carousel? If so, what an excruciating ride that must be. Hundreds of painfully skinny young people in ironic t-shirts and expensively dirty hair, riding the zebras and lions while trying their best to look bored, stealing looks at the brass ring as it floats by-- brass rings, how quaint, they think, but nobody (else) actually wants it, do they? Do they? A carousel does suggest the proper frivolity to describe hipness, and the circular insularity of the carousel is as good a metaphor as any for the self-referential scene-making intrinsic in any hipster activity. (Some days I really miss grad school, where shit like this was taken dead seriously and I could get away with spinning horseshit and snoozing.))

I am not yet thirty and have been left behind by the great carousel of hipness. I mean, seriously. Low-cut jeans? When I see asscrack peeking out of a women's jeans, I don't think sexy thoughts but rather ardently hope the wearer of the jeans has remembered to wipe thoroughly. Her message of sensuality unleashed translates to me as a plea for personal hygiene.

The ten-minute trucker hat craze left me totally bewildered... I know lots of places where you can pick up a mesh hat and a quart of oil for $1.25, yet in Manhattan it may yet be chic to pay $225 for the thing. Ashton Kucher is going to have a lot to answer for, some day.

And yet I still know funny when I see it.

Via Boston blogger Bradley's Almanac and Fear of a Female Planet comes this gem: Hipster Bingo! Where I work, I would win at this game every day. Damn kids.

That phrase once made me think of Forrest Whittaker. Now, I have to admit that I actually like the new show on Bravo, Queer eye on the straight guy. (Is Bravo now the queer network?) (You can't say that. - ed.) (Shut the hell up, nancy boy. - me) The episode with the artist guy Butch (seriously?) was quite fun. The fashion queer is over the top; snarky, bitchy and fun. The cooking queer is anal, like Phil Hartman's anal retentive chef. And I got a hair care tip from the grooming queer. Good all around.

I've been meaning to write about this all week. On the music network Fuse, which I was not even aware of until last Tuesday, they have a show called Kung Faux. It is hard to even begin to describe it, but it is kick ass, ass-whuppin' funny.

Basic concept: Take old kung fu movie. Remove soundtrack. Replace with hip hop. Redub movie with a new script, and all the actors sound like Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction. Add psychedelic special effects whenever something gets hit.

Net effect: I fell off my couch and startled my 2 1/2 month old son he started crying. And I still couldn't stop laughing.

Check your local listings. 
 

Ross (Loyal reader #0006) and I have talked about this a lot. The scary thing is not so much that the boomers are going to eat their young, but the absolute lack of compunction or restraint they show in pursuing their goals. They see no need to justify what they are doing, assume that it is right, and viciously attack any who even question it. "Do you want grandma to have to eat cat food because she can't afford her angina meds?" Well, no actually. But I would like to have an income in 2020.

They are going far beyond simply providing for the needs of the elderly. As a group, the old are the rich. Now they want our stuff too? This is greed, pure and simple. But we have always known that the boomers were greedy and selfish. What two words from american culture best capture self centeredness and avarice? Hippies and Yuppies. Remember, these two groups were the same people, separated only by the me decade.

Unless these new benefits are means tested, it is generational assault.

I really don't see why the left is having such a hissy fit over this. The President correctly and truthfully stated that the British thought Saddam tried to buy Uranium from Africa. Apparently, the British based that conclusion on French intelligence - and surely they weren't trying to aid the cause of the American President. And the British government (backed by a parliamentary investigative committee) still maintains that its report is true.

And in any event, our decision to go to war was not based on those sixteen words. At most, they were a factor in our decision. And if it could be proved now that Saddam didn't try to buy the Uranium (and CIA reports going back several years indicated that he was trying to get it from three other African nations as well) that doesn't change the fact that we were acting on the intelligence available at the time, which included far more than just this one bit.

This tired refrain of "what did he know and when did he know it" is, well, tiresome. A democratic CIA director has accepted whatever blame there is to be had. Some of the more hysterical dem presidential candidates are talking impeachment, and using Clinton as a touchstone. Personally, I wouldn't have gone there, but it is a ridiculous comparison.

The defensiveness of some administration flunkies is to be deplored, honesty being the best policy, and forthrightness being a close second. But still, making such huge deal of this suggests to me at least that this is the largest caliber ammunition that they have. And to mix metaphors, it is a thin reed to lean on.