perfidy

Attend! The Ministry has made crucial and important changes to the blogroll! After a long and painful probationary period involving extensive background checks, lifestyle polygraphs and a couple anal probes, Ted of Rocket Jones has been summarily promoted to the exalted status of "Crony." This act of generosity and selflessness on the part of the Ministry unfortunately has led to other, unintended acts of generosity and selflessness.

The #12 slot of the Ministry's top five list was now open. After extensive deliberations, the Ministry select committee for blog roll changes (promotions and executions sub-committee) determined that Rand Sindberg's Transterrestrial Musings should be elevated to that honorable position despite having a name reminiscent of a Futurama character. His meaty space technology goodness (and offers of sexual favors to committee members) proved to be decisive in the committee's choice.

This however, left yet another open slot, this time in the Ministry Legion of Merit. Rather than reward the obsequious pleadings of the millions of blogs who have petitioned us for recognition, the Committee has deigned to recognize a very new blog. Albion's Seedling is a group blog founded in the last month by Jim Bennett, author of the notorious geo-political tome The Anglosphere Challenge.

Thank you for your Cooperation
This Message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy

For the first time ever, the Ministry has broken into the ranks of mammals on TTLB's blog ecosystem. We are now adorable little rodents. Thirty or so more links, and we'll be marauding marsupials. So link us.

No, that's not the second in command of the Decepticons. It's the little icon that appears in the top left corner of the browser, and in the address bar, and on bookmark links. Loyal reader #0018, Paul from the Empire State displayed admirable gumption, initiative and pluck yesterday when he determined that there was something lacking in the Ministry's website and didn't, like thousands of others, merely bitch and moan about it.

Rather then subject the Ministry's html code-chiseling Kobolds to further abuse he took it upon himself to create a perfidious favicon all by himself and email said icon to the Ministry's Bureau for Unsolicited Technical Thingys. After the web server gnomes scratched their heads, looked up to the sky in plaintive confusion, wrung their beards and tapped the sides of their computer monitors in a vaguely fetishistic manner, they went about installing the favicon in accordance with industry-standard best practices, as determined by a two minute google search.

They reported success, but initial reports from Ministry field officers are showing only mixed results. If you see a little perfidy icon, please inform the Ministry and let us know the make, model, color and trim package of your browser. Likewise if you do not see the delightful flames of perfidy, email and let us know what sort of pathetic browser you are using in a lame attempt to surf the interweb. All hail loyal reader Paul from the Empire State, who has earned the Ministry commendation of and for extraordinary usefullness.

[wik] Can anyone see the favicon in IE of any flavor?

The Ministry is happy to announce the promotion of Pittsburgh Steeler fan (nobody's perfect) and irascible conservative John Cole of Balloon Juice to the Ministry Legion of Merit. His trenchant commentaries and clear-eyed indictments of buffoonery from all quarters will make him a useful adjunct to our political wing. This move is also long overdue and by way of recompense the Ministry is pleased to offer to Mr. Cole the head of any enemy of his choosing, on a stick, for his enjoyment.

That is all. Thank you for your cooperation.

Down to your right (no, your other right), you'll note that several new sites have been added to the list of places you might enjoy knowing about.

Well, you would have noted if you happened to have memorized the Ministry Legion of Merit as it stood yesterday, and were able to perform a quick alphabetic matrix subtraction in your head.

Since not everyone has those skills, the new additions are also listed directly below. Each of these sites is characterized as much by being well-written as by its heterotopicality. In random order:

Velociworld
Fine, Why Fine?
TigerHawk
Garfield Ridge

Thank you for your cooperation.

The Ministry has a funny feeling in its tummy as it announces the assimilation of yet another Minister. Patton, until his recent meltdown, was a prolific and insightful blogger at Opinion 8. But a crack Ministry team of commando psychotherapists, sufis, herbal nutritionists and daytime TV life coaches were (at great personal risk) able to pull him back from the brink. A refreshed, restored, loofahed, and shinily optimistic Patton is now ready to flaunt his unique blogging idiom under the banner of the all conquering Ministry.

To make Patton welcome in his new home, all readers are commanded to think of clever and mildly (mildly!) deprecating snippets to include in the random list of capsule bios that appear under every minister's name in the left sidebar. Any new links for giant fighting robots, zombies, and other species traitors should be sent to Patton, so that he can catch up with everyone else.

Certain individuals have revealed on condition of anonymity that the Ministry does not display properly in certain browsers. If you have noticed any problems, please comment below - noting the browser and operating system. With your help, we can assign blame and punish the innocent; allowing the guilty to escape justice while keeping their large numbered Swiss accounts.

The Ministry is swelling with pride to announce what you have no doubt already noticed - we have finally completed the upgrade of the Ministry website. Countless millions who were on the verge of asphixia can now draw a deep breath of contentment and satisfaction. As you wander through the new site, thrill to the streamlined and elegant design; bow to the supreme power of the three panel layout; turn green with envy that your website could never hope to be half so nifty.

The Ministry and its legions of exhausted, HTML-chipping slave laborers would like to thank the spineless, dickless, brainless, syphilitic, greedy, choad-munching, crack-huffing, morally adrift, ass-spelunking comment spammers who made this upgrade necessary. Thanks guys! You're real heroes for speaking truth to power and letting all of us know about online casinos and penis enlargement. The Ministry is pleased that it could provide (free of charge to you) the bandwidth to further your essential missionary calling, you pissant mongoloid fuckwits.

Anyway, the Ministry sincerely hopes you enjoy the new blog edifice, and please forward any comments or suggestions to us.

... comments have been turned off. But fear not! The pasty troglodytes with big foreheads, laboring away in the dim recesses of the Ministry's poorly funded and unheated research labs have come up with what they promise is a solution. Over the next couple days, the Ministry will be abandoning the battered and defenseless castle that is pMachine (which replaced the leaky and utterly defenseless shelter half that was blogger) and moving to the high-tech, art deco furnished, impregnable and ne plus ultra of security that is the Expression Engine underground bunker.

Until the move is complete, and the ministers are enjoying cosmopolitans, rob roys, and manhattans (or in Minister GeekLethal's case, Budweiser) in the air conditioned elegance of the new Ministry underground lair; comments will remain painfully absent. To you, our loyal readers, we apologize. But think of the joy that awaits, when you will be able to comment without fear of inducements to offshore online gambling, interweb porn, or penis enlargement.

When the migration is complete, there will be announcements, mandatory celebrations and all the pomp and ceremony that typically attend great events in Ministry history. So, have patience, and remember that we do it all for the children. Somebody has to to.

The Ministry hereby announces the following changes to the blogroll:

1. Mike Patton of Opinion8 has been summarily promoted to crony status.
2. The main blog roll has been limited to 25 blogs. Any surplus blogs have been moved to a new category.
3. That new category is "The Ministry Legion of Merit." This blogroll is not size constrained, so that the Ministry's innate goodness and generosity can now be allowed to shine forth in its full glory and radiance. The legion of merit blogroll can be found on the left sidebar, a little further down from the main blogroll.

Thank you for your cooperation.

The Ministry is pleased, nearly to the point of emotional trauma, to announce the first quadrennial "Guess the end of the Election Contest." Unlike previous Ministry contests, which really weren't contests at all, this rainbow actually has a pot of gold at the end. A very small pot, to be sure, but more on that later.

Enter your best guess as to the date that the election will be resolved in the comment section - any date, past or future - and the Ministry's dedicated staff of underpaid Moldavian migrant child laborers will record your entry in a great book, which will be consulted as soon as we are informed that the election has been decided. The person or entity whose guess is closest to the actual date will win a prize. In the event of a tie, each contestant will have to answer an election related trivia question from each participating minister. The person or entity answering the most questions correctly will be deemed the winner. In the event of a further tie, the entrant who submits the most humorous or sexy picture of him/her/themselves will be made winner. All judgments are purely subjective, and the Ministry makes no pretense of objectivity, fairness or even sanity. Any smartass who picks Dec 13, just because that's the date that the Electoral College votes, will be summarily disqualified and subject to ridicule.

As for the prize: the Ministry, at great risk to its personal integrity and reputation, will offer the winner posting rights on the Ministry interweb site for a period of one (1) week. If the winner is a Minister, they will get a sloppy kiss on the cheek from Minister Buckethead's loyal but somewhat dim animal companion Bodhi.

The Ministry demands, for the first time, that you link to this post far and wide, so that the contest will have sufficient participants so as to make it interesting. It is your moral duty, as well as in your own self interest to comply. And the Ministry knows where you live. 

Please note some modifications to the roster at left. Erstwhile loghorrean Steven den Beste has temporarily retired from posting. Minister Buckethead, at least, will miss him. Should he return to blogging, his name shall once more grace our site.

Also retiring is Tacitus, a formerly top-shelf site which has slumped of late as its principals have migrated their most compelling work to the new conservative site redstate.org.

In the interest of balance, former CalPundit Kevin Drum's new enterprise at the Washington Monthly has also been liquidated.

Finally, please welcome new addition Obsidian Wings, a group site featuring high-octane discussion and intelligent writing. Kindly visit them, comment, and drag even more traffic our way. The more bandwith we devour, the more powerful we become. Your compliance is appreciated. Indeed, it is compulsory.

That is all.

The Ministry's vast legions of overworked, unpaid migrant worker drones were hard at work this morning; chiseling names off a granite edifice with their teeth. Why, one might ask, were these hard working and underappreciated proles performing work such as this; when they could have been laboring in the html mines, digging up web goodness for you, the gentle reader? The reason is simple. That sheet of granite contained the laser etched names of all those who have willingly become registered members of the Ministry of Minor Perfidy's extended family. (The Ministry is also curious as to why many of you do not have your name on that roll of honor. The Ministry is keeping track of those who abuse the its generosity. Our memory is long.)

Dark and unknown forces have shamelessly perverted the Ministry's enlightened policy of openness and transparency. Initial indications are that these forces are Russian, which does not surpise the Ministry in the least. They have registered for membership not to revel in a sense of oneness with the Ministry's goals and vision; but only to use that sacrosanct status to attempt to spam the innocent with invitations to disgusting, ill-designed, and tasteless porn sites. (Nota bene: The Ministry might forgive invitations to well-designed and artistic porn sites. The Ministry is well aware of the beauty of the unclothed female form. But these sites require the download of malicious software, a practice the Ministry does not support or condone.)

Therefore, from this moment forward, all prospective registrants will be vetted by the Ministry's crack team of investigators and busybodies. Those who survive the rigorous and intrusive background check will be granted membership, an email confirming their new status, and their name will be laser etched on granite wall in the lobby of the Ministry's headquarters. Those who do not pass will live in fear, fear of the highly trained and lethal hordes of assassins at the Ministry's beck and call; and praying that they will not be unleashed.

Those who pass muster will bask in the bright sun of comradery, and feel the warm joy of submission to the Ministry's vision for the future. As well, they will in time have access to special features unavailable to the unwashed masses. The Ministry invites all those of sound moral character to register instantly, lest they suffer the consequences.

This message from the Ministry of Minor Perfidy
Thank you for your cooperation

The works of man may come and go, but Perfidy is eternal.

The sun has made three hundred sixty-five diurnal transits of the sky since the idea for the Ministry of Minor Perfidy first burst upon the world. One year of ever embiggening reach and power, one year of cresting wisdom, sarcasm, and scantily-researched attacks on transient issues of the day, plus some really kickass writing.

From its humble beginnings at johnnytwocents.blogspot.com to a temporary home at the ignominity of the .biz domain, the Ministry of Minor Perfidy is far greater than one simple interweb address that resolves to http://old.perfidy.org . Such towering achievement is beyond the capability of simple language, simple digits, to describe, much less encompass. Lo, history will record the truth! The Ministry now stands as the single greatest achievement with which publicly-funded grade-schooling, a combined two decades of college and trade-schooling, and oodles of cheap liquor have yet graced the world. My it ever be this way, and may its heroic exploits long be recounted by wonks, geeks, and basement-dwellers for generations to come.

Let us now have a moment of silence for the uncounted legions of pixies, homunculi, gnomes, sprites, weirds, gremlins, and assorted faeries who sacrificed their lives for the greatness of Perfidy*.

The Ministry applauds its Ministers, readers, commenters, and sundry onlurkers. We are watching you, and we like what we see. Each and every one of you must remember one thing: nobody said anything about giant fighting space robots, and it is crucial that you remember that fact in the weeks and months to come. Soon enough, my children, soon enough you will look on in awe and wonder. Until that day. . . Excelsior!

[wik] No leprechauns were harmed in any way during any Perfidious endeavor.

[alsø wik] In response to the cowardly anonymous commenter who clearly fears the retribution of the Ministry's minions, and rightly so... this being a so-called "leap year," the Ministry's lifespan would equal three hundred sixty-six diurnal transits, if the so-called "leap year" were not an utter fiction concocted by shadowy forces working on behalf of the erstwhile British Royal Society.

You see, the 1582 transition from Julian to Gregorian Calendar-time was not without its temporal casualites. As the great sage Pynchon observes in his magesterial "Mason and Dixon," the world lost eleven days in 1582 that, it was thought, can never be got back. Little do you know of the subtle plans of great men and women. Do you really think that you actually lived "February 29" this year? Ha!

Remember harder, o benighted one, and tremble at the power shadowy forces can wield!

The Ministry of Minor Perfidy is pleased to announce what you have no doubt jealously noted, that the Ministry's appearance has soared to new levels of aesthetic, typographical and metaphysical beauty. The whip-scourged faces of thousands of Ministry Kobolds glow with pride as they contemplate the majesty of what they have wrought, cut from the stinking HTML mines deep below the Earth.

We would direct your attention to several features of the Ministry's elegant facade:

• The refined typefaces, purchased in the most exclusive typeries in Paris, Vienna and the Subcontinent.
• The enslickened link formatting, with clean underlining, clearly distinguishable colors and a reserved but not cold distance from the other text.
• The judicious use of Small Caps to enhance your blogging pleasure.
• And finally, a distinctive format for blockquotes that sets them apart from other, lesser material.

Before the swollen heads of the various minions who have brought you this wondrous transformation are unable to to fit into their cages, we will leave you to behold the majesty that is the Ministry of Minor Perfidy.

Thank you for your cooperation.

The Ministry of Minor Perfidy is tickled to announce (and we are rarely, if ever tickled, so pay attention) that we have enhanced the functionality of the Ministry's blog post format. Though we first demanded politely, in the end we were forced to brutally torture hundreds of HTML gnomes to pry from their greedy minds the occult knowledge required to effect these marvelous changes. As you are all aware, the Ministry is more than willing to sacrifice the blood of others to bring you the high quality service you have become accustomed to. Let this be a warning to all.

To describe, rather to sum up the changes to the bottom of each post:

• The clumsy "profile" link has been terminated, and its broken body thrown to the pigs.
• What little functionality the profile link once had has been granted to the author link, which previously could only create another instance of the blog.
• The category name has been enhanced with a link to the relevant category page.
• The trackbacks link has been added.
• Several '|' symbols were added, because they are awful nifty.
• All of the text in the bottom is now either marked as a hyperlink, or is in the paler grey typeface, so it all matches.
• There was some general rearrangement for aesthetics and proper Feng shui.

Allow the warm glow of satisfaction to permeate your pathetic souls as you revel in the knowledge that the Ministry is continuing its relentless quest to provide you with the highest quality blogging experience no money can buy.

Yesterday, the Ministry of Minor Perfidy suffered a brief and minor suspension of operations. This blackout, apparently caused by a rogue agent known only as "mySQL" has been isolated, corrected, and restored as an honored, functioning member of the Perfidy support staff.

Our apologies to the thousands of gnomes displaced in the aftermath of the correction of "mySQL." Your families will be duly compensated and the area where your homes stood will be safe for habitation once again within 1.3 million years, give or take.

Special attention must be given to "Kathy Kinsley," the entity entrusted with the care and feeding of the servers on which the Ministry's online presence resides. Within minutes of the problem arising, Ms. Kinsley was working to rectify it. Truly an exceptional entity.

Go about your business.

Comments are a service provided by the Ministry of Minor Perfidy to you, the gentle reader. This service is subject to revocation on a retail or wholesale basis at the whim of the Ministry. Only one individual has thus far incurred our wrath sufficiently to be permanently banned. Don’t be that guy. Any advertisement made in this space is subject to a fee of $500 per ad. Posting an ad indicates your agreement with this fee schedule. If you are a comment spammer, please immediately die a prolonged, agonizing and messy death. After you pay the fee.

Swear, curse and spit if it makes you feel better. Generally speaking, saying “fuck” a lot doesn’t improve the quality of your writing, unless you’re Charles Bukowski. I don’t think you’re Chuck, though. In any event, we won’t delete your post for foul language. As to general purpose offensiveness, we all have pretty thick skins and you’d have to be a real jackass to get a post deleted for that reason. So don’t be that guy.

To sum up: play nice, share your toys with the other kids, and pretend you’re having a nice conversation with friends at your favorite restaurant. And remember, we’re watching you.

The Ministry would like to extend its gratitude to Minister Buckethead. His absence from these annals has been noted with regret, but the loss of his insights here is more than equalled by his subaltern heroics these last few weeks. Hundreds of gnomes and day-laborers gave their lives so that his mission could be a success, and their sacrifices were not in vain. His mission may be secret, but its outcome will visible from low earth orbit very shortly.

Once the burns heal-- and they are healing nicely-- and that nasty business with the Yemeni Foreign Service is cleared up, we expect Minister Buckethead to return to active duty with gusto and verve.

Or else.

That is all.

The Ministry of Minor Perfidy continues to grow exponentially. The Ministry would announce to all and sundry that we have acquired a new minion. Minister. Ross, who despite his Canadian birth has become something of a success in the world, has been persuaded to join the Ministry's stable of bloviators. Bamboo splinters and heated copper wires were most certainly not part of Ross' decision making process, regardless of what he might tell you.

Ross has been blogging at Spiral Dive for time out of mind, where he mixes leftish political innuendo with learned scribblings on Java arcana. Ross' political and cultural commentary will move here, while soletta.com will remain a repository for his computer and technical thinking. We feel confident that in short order, Ross will be able to pad his technical resume with Ministry standard skills of bootlickery, rubberstamping, gnome-inveigling, and sublethal obfuscation.

Welcome, Ross, to the Ministry of Minor Perfidy. We welcome your particular talents to our relentless quest for minor celebrity, self regard, and world conquest. God speed the right!